I need some advice. My husband and I have six kids total, with four living at home. Our children are very involved in extracurricular activities, and our household stays busy. Here’s what my typical routine looks like: During the school year, I wake up at 6 AM to get my 1-year-old ready. My two daughters (ages 11 and 9) get themselves up. We leave the house by 7:45 AM to drop them off, as their school starts at 8:00. After that, I return home and begin my workday (I work from home).
My 13-year-old stepson rides the bus, but if he misses it (which happens when he oversleeps), I have to stop work to take him to school.
From 8:40 AM to 2:20 PM I work.At 2:20 I pick up my 1-year-old and then my daughters — they must all be picked up by 3:00 PM. Thankfully the schools are close. Once home, I often still need to finish some work, which leaves my daughters helping me to watch the toddler. My stepson gets home around 4:00 PM. The kids then have time for snacks and homework. My daughters are self-motivated with their homework, but my stepson needs constant guidance — we almost have to force him to do his assignments.
They also rotate chores, but I have to oversee this on top of managing my toddler and unfinished work. Sometimes I stop to cook, and sometimes my husband orders takeout, depending on how my day goes. I also try to prioritize my personal health: I train with a personal trainer at the gym Mondays at 7 PM and Wednesdays at 7:30 PM.
In addition: My 9-year-old has practice Mondays and Thursdays from 6:30 to 8:00 PM. My 11-year-old will start practice next week from 4:00 to 6:00 PM. For the summer, I have to take my stepson to football conditioning at 7 AM and pick him up at 10 AM. My husband is also coaching a little league and will have practice during the week in the evening. Most of the kids appointments fall on me to handle, although I’ve started asking my husband for help. Which he has started. My husband works an hour and a half away, gets up at 5 AM, and returns home around 5 PM. On top of his full-time job, he is also the football director and coach for a youth league and just accepted a middle school coaching job.
Here’s my main struggle: My husband expects me to “carve out time” during my work day to cook more meals. While I agree we can’t eat out every night, the expectation that it’s my sole responsibility frustrates me. He suggests using the crockpot or “better time management,” but I already feel stretched thin. I proposed meal-prepping on weekends, and he agreed. His way of helping is ordering food but then complains if we take out too much.
When he says, “We need to cook more,” it feels like he means I need to fix it. I feel like I don’t have a true partner in this area. I’m looking for advice on how to manage this dynamic because, honestly, I’m running on empty
Hi Crystal,
I have chronic health issues and had to leave the work force a few years back. I also have one child who just turned 12 and my husband works full-time. Because of my health issues I am very often unable to do much of anything during a health flare.
My workaround to cut down on eating out (when possible) has been to get microwaveable breakfast sandwiches like what they would typically get from McDonalds, breakfast links, individual packets of grits or oatmeal, milk, etc. Did you know you can microwave eggs? I just recently ran across French toast sticks at BJs Wholesale Club similar to the ones at Burger King.
Also, when I do cook, I have to take short cuts as I am unable to stand or walk long/far. So I get a big jar of minced garlic instead of fresh garlic, frozen pre-chopped onions and/or onions and peppers, and microwaveable or frozen veggies and fruits.
Last year I invested in an air fryer. And it turned out to be a great buy and substitution for me not cooking. They immediately figured it out and sometimes it’s a great win!
I used to get frustrated and overwhelmed about the things I was unable to do for my family but I learned that if I figure out ways to make them self reliant it empowered them and lessened the load for me. Working, being a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, sister in Christ, family taxi, etc. is a lot! That doesn’t even account for the travel time when being the taxi driver.
Other work arounds have been order ahead groceries for pick-up or delivery. And I send my husband and son to do the pick-ups which frees me from the travel time and frustration with traffic. I learned that my husband may not understand how time consuming it can be to manage your home and take care of everyone’s needs. So I made sure he was responsible for some of those things, too. He takes my son to doctors appointments, run errands, church, school, volunteerism, etc.
By him having to actively participate and do his part he appreciates what I am able to do for our family when I am able to do it. Also, by finding ways they can function without my help, I’m teaching my son responsibility and allowing him to exercise some independence.
These are just some of the ways I spread responsibilities around to everyone instead of assigning myself ALL of the weight, burden, overwhelm and stress of trying to be all and do all.
You are doing GREAT already! You just need to pivot and find your own work arounds and ways to share responsibilities with your husband and kids. Younger children usually love to help and think it’s fun! You’ve got this! - Violet :)
You are in the thick of life. This too shall pass, but you need a plan for peace right in the now! I went through some seasons where home-cooked meals happened, but they were served on paper plates. That rarely happens now, but on a hectic night… it certainly does.
Meal planning seems so intimidating, but not if you keep it simple. Meat + Veggie + carb.
First List three easy meals you know by heart. Stick with those first and foremost. Then move on to others.
Pick your favorite meats. Find the crockpot version. I love a roast one night and I like to shred it up and throw it on a toasted bun (Brat buns in oven for a few minutes), topped with cheese and sautéed onions and peppers another night (dipped in Au jus).
For veggies: Buy salad bags, microwave that steamed veggie/bag or just buy the raw cut up versions and serve them with ranch.
For the carb: steam bags of potatoes/sweet potatoes are easy in microwave. (If you’re anti microwave, you’ll want to rely on some easy sheet pan veggies and potato recipes). Boil those cut potatoes 10 minutes and throw them in the fridge for later). They will roast up faster in the evening this way). Check out a low country boil recipe… sheet pan version. Or go with rice! A rice cooker is a gadget, but it got me through the toddler stages.
Do not let anyone say you aren’t healthy enough, you’re doing it wrong, or you’re not good enough. The truth is that a brilliant mom know how to keep the peace and sanity. They keep it simple where they need to. Cooking is where I needed to keep it simple.
Head up! You can do this! Scary things are just things we haven’t practiced at much. You’ll be a pro in no time!
Life often presents us with challenges that can seem overwhelming, but one of the most beautiful aspects of human connection is the ability to share burdens and inspire one another. Communities, especially those centered around shared values and experiences, provide a unique and powerful source of support. For wives balancing the demands of family, career, and personal well-being, the solidarity found among others walking similar paths can be not only comforting but deeply empowering. Thankyou ladies, for your support of one another. You are not alone. God is with you through it all.