Lately my husband has been distant and short tongue with me. There has been no affection our intimacy has went to maybe 1 time a week. I asked him what was going on, is he ok are we ok. He responded with I’m having a hard time dealing with the argument we had last year. I asked him are you serious? He said yes it’s bothering me. We then argued and now for the last 4 days I’ve slept in the guess room (my choice) and he’s giving me the silent treatment as he always does.
Hi Tenega,
Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart, I'm sorry to hear of the challenges that you are facing. I want to speak honestly, but with love: sleeping in a separate room isn’t going to make this situation better—it will likely make it worse.
This is the time to dig deep, pray, and ask God for His wisdom on how to handle this righteously.
Right now, he probably needs space to think and deal with his own pain. That’s why I encourage you to pray specifically that the Holy Spirit will speak to him, give him wisdom, and surround him with godly counsel.
In the meantime, focus on being his wife. I know that’s going to be challenging. But I promise you—God is also building something in you during this season.
Continue to respect him, serve him, and show Christ-like love. It’s not about ignoring issues, but choosing to deal with them God’s way.
And while you’re supporting him, don’t forget to build your own confidence and spiritual strength:
✨ Spend time in prayer, pouring out your heart to God.
✨ Meditate on His Word daily—let His promises renew your mind.
✨ Surround yourself with women of God through Bible studies and support groups.
✨ Take advantage of wife training opportunities like our SWC Monthly Mastery Class—designed to encourage and equip you to thrive in your role.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. I’m here for you, and I’m praying with you. ❤️🙏
With love,
Mrs. Toy Banks
“The World’s Most Satisfied Wife”
Thank you so much for your response.
I know sleeping in the other room is not good but when he is upset about something he go out of his way to get me upset. Once I am upset he’s happy. I can’t play that game with him anymore. I work full time as well as he does so I need a clear head and rest. His bad energy is draining.
I pray for him and our marriage. I send him scripture quotes to read. I’m just going to pray harder and take my hands off the wheel, and let God do what he do.
I do appreciate you, and I’m glad I joined the group.
Sis, let me share what the Lord has been teaching me through this experience and the Word.
I’ve learned that when I choose not to talk to my husband or sleep in a separate room, I’m unknowingly opening the door for the enemy to stir up division. That silence—those gaps in communication—become opportunities for Satan to whisper lies to both of us.Jesus warned us about this in Matthew 5:25:
“When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.”
That verse reminds me not to delay reconciliation. Make peace quickly—before things spiral into deeper damage, whether emotionally, spiritually, or even before God.
Mrs. Banks always reminds us to first pray and ask the Holy Spirit for strategy, then go to our husbands—not to argue, but to listen. So my encouragement is: go talk to him again, but this time with gentleness and humility. Let him speak freely. Don’t interrupt. Say sorry even if you believe he was wrong.
I’ve come to realize something hard but true: God doesn’t even hear our prayers when we’re harboring unforgiveness (Mark 11:25). Sleeping in the other room is a signal that there’s offense in the heart. Him not speaking is too.
Also—don’t send him scriptures right now. That can feel like spiritual control when there’s already tension. Instead, go into your secret place and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to him directly.
Repent to God. Apologize to your husband. Even when he’s wrong, God is still watching how you respond. I don’t want my prayers hindered, and I know you don’t either.
And honestly tomorrow isn’t promised. There are many who claimed to love God but are in hell because they refused to forgive. They let anger overtake them and it drove them to sin.
Even if the world says you’re justified, God still calls us to love. That’s what He’ll judge us by. I don’t want to stand before Him and hear, “Why didn’t you love? Why weren’t you patient?”
So choose love, every time. Because “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
Let love lead. Let humility speak. And let the Holy Spirit do the rest. I’m praying with you. ❤️
Thank you for your advice Crystal, but I’ve done all of that. The more I pray, the more resistant he becomes. This is years of the same behavior from someone who is dealing with pass trauma and refuses counseling and placing the hurt on the one closes to him. Because I know this, I’m trying so hard to love him through it while praying for him and still finding the strength to be his wife. Thank you again, I appreciate your support and prayers.